Today, I was at my favorite coffee house, the Bean Tree, visiting my adorable coffee pals, Tracey and Chad. They own the business. Their coffee is fair-trade and delicious, but I suspect people come in there to bask in their cuteness. It's quite the glow. I love them because they bask in their customers, too.
The topic of conversation today was people who "hate us for our beauty." Chad's complaint: An older mutual acquaintance had seen him in a bar and said, "There's too many good-looking young men in here." It was a compliment, we agreed, but it made him feel uncomfortably envied.
I asked Tracey if anyone ever had anything hateful to say to her because she's cute and fit. She told me that women feel free to grab her by her waist and exclaim, "You're toooooo skinny!" She said, "It's invasive and insulting."
Which brings me to Zoe. She works for Uncle Charlie. She's been fit and chic for as long as I've known her. Long and lean, she exudes confidence. She's a brainiac, too, so if you didn't think "wow" before, now is the time. "Wow." Until I read her blog post about this VERY issue, I had no idea she'd struggled with her weight. As she says in that post, she's celebrating her body, and not hating the one she used to have.
My mom has a friend who has lost a tremendous amount of weight and looks fabulous. When asked how she did it, her friend replied, "I celebrated my body." My mom said, "She won't tell me how she did it."
Celebrating her body is exactly what she did. I suspect that pretty much did it for her. I remember when I first began to understand the power of celebrating rather than hating our bodies.
I was dating a man who thought I would look great in a pair of chaps. "Marry that man," said my mom.
"Holy crap, there is a man on this planet who thinks abundant tushie is attractive," I thought for the first time in my life. And, after some convincing, I started believing him. It changed everything about how I took care of myself. It didn't make me instantly skinny, by any means, but it changed the issue to my love of fatty food and a highly developed sense of laziness, from whether or not I deserve to be fit.
It also changed how I looked at skinny women. I didn't envy skinnier women in the same way. I thought they were differently beautiful. Nothin' wrong with them. Nothin' wrong with me.
If I ever become queen of the world (which would be awesome, thanks), I'm going to teach girls all about the issue with body hatred and how it hurts us. I think it keeps us from achieving physical health. After all, if you hate healthy/trim women, how can you seriously commit to a lifetime of celebrating being one of them?
Awww shucks... thanks honey! ;0) Glad you liked...
Posted by: Zoe | March 17, 2008 at 07:41 AM
Oh how I've missed Pirate Dog PDX, so I was delighted to find this post that I'd somehow missed reading (even though I logged on ever 10 minutes when you were going flat out). I love that Beverly and Eddie are the of Shamanic ilk and that you are included and open to the experiences.
Posted by: mom | August 17, 2008 at 10:25 PM
Oh how I've missed Pirate Dog PDX, so I was delighted to find this post that I'd somehow missed reading (even though I logged on ever 10 minutes when you were going flat out). I love that Beverly and Eddie are the of Shamanic ilk and that you are included and open to the experiences.
Posted by: mom | August 17, 2008 at 10:25 PM
Oh how I've missed Pirate Dog PDX, so I was delighted to find this post that I'd somehow missed reading (even though I logged on ever 10 minutes when you were going flat out). I love that Beverly and Eddie are the of Shamanic ilk and that you are included and open to the experiences.
Posted by: mom | August 17, 2008 at 10:25 PM