If you’re a Scarface fan, you know that very famous line. You also know that it doesn’t end well for the dude who says it, one Tony Montana, Scarface himself, and one of two fictional Cubans I can name in the world.
You just thought “Ricky Ricardo is the other one,” and thought you were so smart, didn’t you?
Si?
Well, Lucy, maybe you are, but don’t you wonder where I’m going with this? The answer to that question is the answer to the question, what happened to the Pirate Dog lo’ these many months?
Answer: Hot Cuban Boyfriend. For the purpose of this blog, we’ll call him Tony Montana because between Ricky and Tony, he’s way more Tony—sans drug dealing and unsightly facial disfigurement. In fact, he was muy delicioso. Muy.
For awhile, when talking to my friends, I mostly called him “Hot Cuban Boyfriend.” His real name has rolling “r”s, and it took me a while to say his name right.
Plus, my people--separated by miles and appreciating easy references for involved stories--are given to monikers. Among our larger-than-bloggable cast of characters, we have known a “Sharky Shark,” “Bad Tipper Girl,” “Cute Phillip,” “Dr. Boyfriend,” “Mr. Cutie Pants,” “Ugly Bob,” and "Fat Braces Grace.” (Actually, Fat Braces Grace was the business school student formerly known as "Sharky Shark," but we hadn’t seen her for a while, and she’d put on weight and got braces. She was still as compassionate as a white shark comforting a menstruating mermaid, so being mean seemed somehow forgivable.)
Anyhoo, it was a wonderful time. Sadly though, Tony Montana got laid off from his fat tech job (like everyone else, I’m afraid) and went back to Miami, as all Cubans must. There’s more, of course, but it slows the story down and is still too disappointing a tale to tell.
And … I’m back with you.
Forgive me. I’ll never stray again. Unless he’s hot. And, god, if he’s Cuban, you can say hello to the curb, I’m afraid.
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