Pirate Dog PDX

Birth of The Gorgonzola Ice Cream Diet

In the 11th century, England's King William, a.k.a. William the Conquerer, went on the first weight-loss plan in recorded history.

His diet: "All alcohol and absolutely no food." There's no historic footnote as to exactly how long King William stayed on his "diet plan," but William is well known for establishing harsh laws to curb "the problem with you." Since he was also known as William the Bastard (true), you have to assume the diet had its negative side effects.

Weight Watchers has yet to embrace this particular weight loss formula, though the plan does include an "eat whatever I want (in moderation)" clause.

So. I. Did. During David's visit to Portland, we ate in a different amazing restaurant every day. To balance my points and truly enjoy my  meals, I mostly ate pickles during the day. For the uninitated, pickles are free in the Weight Watchers universe. Of course, there's enough sodium to turn the most swan-like ankle into a cankle--and I spent the week in Cankle-City, where the dinners were totally worth it.

If you're a food weirdo, you'll be impressed to learn that the first restaurant we enjoyed had a photo of Anthony Bourdain framed above our table. David calls him "the alcoholic who will eat anything," which distinguishes him from "the fat guy who will eat anything" (pictured here), but I am a slobbering fan. Bourdain is my personal Jack Wagner.

Without the hookers.

I think.

Tonight, David's last night in town, we ate at a restaurant that offered red wine poached pears with polenta biscotti and gorgonzola ice cream for dessert. I didn't order that, because the pineapple tart cake with rum ice cream with root beer reduction was calling to me, but our waiter brought us a little sample plate, and holy crap. Gorgonzola ice cream is much better than you think.

Oh, and for my Santa Cruz pals, if you want a little taste of what was, in fact, the best meal I've ever had in a restaurant EVER, this restaurant serves weed. I'm just saying. William might have been onto something, even if margaritas are loaded with calories. I wonder if William had made an alternative diet choice, his contemporaries would have chucked "Conquerer" and "Bastard" in favor of "William the Dude-Who-Totally-LOVES-Cheese-Ice-Cream." It's hard to imagine he'd have been skinnier. But, his reign would have been alot more fun.

Wine Tasting in Willamette, Dammit.

My friend Virginia, an adorable and brilliant "high powered wine executive," is in Oregon this week, scouting out wineries for la Cosa Nostra Wines. We're doing a little pictorial moment tonight, since I am clearly in no shape to go wine tasting for eight straight hours, and follow that with clever prose. Pretty pictures. Headache. Check.




 

The Village People

Though Portland is a legitimately big city (530,000 of us, not counting chihuahuas), what I like best about it is the small neighborhoods and villages hidden among the trees and dogs and free transportation.

Sunday, we visited Multnomah Village. Cute, urban, and real, we spent an hour drinking coffee in a not-Starbucks, talking to dogs and their families and another hour walking through three streets of small, independent book stores, toy stores, galleries, bike shops, and clothing stores. For whatever reason, there are several outlets featuring Mediterranean clothing, art, and crafts. Fun.

We left the Village to visit the other side of the village spectrum: Lake Oswego. It's Oregon's own Carmel-del-Norte. If Scott's psychopathic ex-wife Cindy ever moves to Portland, Lake Oswego is her Mecca--where the trophy wives outnumber humans 2 to 1. We tried to eat at Manzana, but if you followed that link, you know that didn't work out. You'll have to machete your way through the blond, identically-helmet-haired women to get treated poorly at Manzana, so skip it, and eat in Multnomah Village.

Because we were on a mission, however, we drove on to Oregon City. As the dump-off point for the Oregon Trail (of Mormons), it's an interesting mix of pleasant families with gobs of kids, defunct paper mills, a cool waterfall, and restaurants in old homes and storefronts. We loved it.

Opinions. Everybody's got one.

Recent reviews by Shawna H.

What's this?

"It's 5 o'clock somewhere."

Says my boy, Jimmy Buffett. I'm sure he meant Portland.

Portland is the place for bar-restaurants: Great atmosphere, cool drinks, creative food. Conquering the formidable PDX restaurant scene on a budget weren't no picnic, no sirree--until we discovered Portland's Happy Hour Guidebook at Powell's Bookstore. Hundreds of restaurants, key HH selling points and bar/menu items, and quotes like Jimmy's up there.

Our first happy hour meal was awesome: Burningman-the-Restaurant served up two caesar salads, two small, but totally filling entrees, and beer and wine for under $20.

"Follow your bliss," said Joseph Cambell, another HH quotee. Follow this book. That's the plan.